So, what have we learned tonight? Never let women do anything to you regarding appearance, for if you do you will be humiliated for the rest of the night or even longer, forever. Not to mention you may look like a girl and smell like one too. And another thing, you may find yourself feeling low and even used or possibly disgusted with yourself, for when you take out the hair thingies or take off the make-up you will be ignored for the rest of the night, even though the “playing with your hair” was the most memorable highlight to everyone at the party. Men, I plead with you, please, please, please don’t let girls turn you in to one of them with their cruel experiments.

-Tim

I was a chef in the world famous San Fancisco fishermen’s grotto, Spenger’s. One night I was working on a alfredo sauce to top them all and who was playing in the parlor but the one true love I ever would have. I watched from the kitchen that night, as she sang her sweet siren’s song, that, to this day, remains firm in my thoughts and ever will there be. When I brought out my alfredo dipping sauce and toast platter to the performers’ lounge she said to me that it was the most wounderful thing she had ever tasted. My heart crooned so! Sadly, she had tol leave on a train to Monteray right away, I never saw her again.

The End?

Calvin and Hobbes! This page has all the old comic strips featuring Calvin’s hilarious snow sculptures.

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This is so awesome! The terrible Engrish subtitles from Zero Wing that inspired the cult video All Your Base Are Belong to Us, sung to the tune of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

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So I had a couple dreams last night.
In the first one I was in my car, but the point of view I had was looking at the rear bumper from the drivers side. So what happened was this jerk, turned too close to me when pulling out or something and then he totally messed up my bumper. He swiped the whole bumper with the drivers side of his car.

In the second dream I was in a house that I lived in two houses ago, but some parts were from my current house and a some similarities to a friends house. Anyways, I was in a t-shirt and PJ pants and I was out front in the yard and the yard was the yard from the house two houses ago. There were a few guys I didn’t know, I guess they were my dad’s friends from work or something and my dad was talking to them like they were going to help with a sort of small remodel project or just a project around the house. Then I went inside and down the hall to the master bedroom and there was some black girl I didn’t know standing in there looking at the bed. The room wasn’t like my parent’s room it was pink and girlie and stuff. Then I went to the kitchen and looked for something to eat, but there was food that wasn’t ours in the cupboards. There was even a small crockpot cooking away in the cupboard and I thought I should take it out because it might not be safe or something could catch fire. I think I took it out of the cupboard. The cupboard was weird too. There were two doors on one of the cabnets the left one hinged on the left and the right one on the right, but there was a big door that covered them both. The big door was hinged on the right. There was no fridge in the kitchen or it was behind me when I was facing the cabnet. The stove was longer than I actually was when we lived there, it extended to where the fridge was when we lived there.

-Tim

Last night at the Improv Club at ARC, Liesel and Matt Russel were talking and acting out this commercial. The best line ever:

“Steve: Hey! You’re hot and I feel great. Let’s get married.
Woman: Alright but I want lots of kids.
Steve: Me too, five hundred of ‘em! Ooooh!
Woman: Yeah! Babies everywhere!”

As Liesel said, “This commercial not only scares the viewers, it also makes you want to never try the product ever.”
-Tim
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